Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Rosie the Riveter-inspired

I got lots of comments on this outfit today, so I wanted to post it up :) I haven't posted up outfit pics in a long time, which is ironic considering this blog had its beginnings as a 'fashion' blog.
I'm sure that most people thought I looked ridiculous, but I don't dress for them so that's okay by me!
I know I should be flexing the muscle, ala Rosie the Riveter, but did a salute instead? Don't know what the deal is with that.....






Pants; Salvos
Headscarf; Salvos
Top; Cotton On
Shoes; Payless

Thursday, November 10, 2011

So many conflicting beliefs, ideas, theories....and then....

He will come like last leaf’s fall.
One night when the November wind
has flayed the trees to bone, and earth
wakes choking on the mould,
the soft shroud’s folding.

He will come like frost.
One morning when the shrinking earth
opens on mist, to find itself
arrested in the net
of alien, sword-set beauty.

He will come like dark.
One evening when the bursting red
December sun draws up the sheet
and penny-masks its eye to yield
the star-snowed fields of sky.

He will come, will come,
will come like crying in the night,
like blood, like breaking,
as the earth writhes to toss him free.
He will come like child.

– Rowan Williams

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Thoughts on marriage...from an inexperienced perspective

My siblings and I threw my parents a party on Saturday night. They've been married 25years, and we thought that was worthy of a celebration, so we booked a place, put down deposits, blew up balloons and danced and ate and laughed with them to say "thank you". Their marriage has weathered many a storm, beginning with their escape from Romania and subsequent separation from all that they had held dear. I can't imagine leaving my entire life behind, to begin a new one in a strange land with a husband I'd married 3 months earlier. You can imagine the amount of 'adjusting' that would have had to happen! But it got me thinking.....

I myself have only been married just over 3 years, so please, take all these 'thoughts' with a pinch....nay, a bowl of salt and know that I simply want to share some little lessons I've elarn along the way. (I fully acknowledge that this will make me face-palm and cringe with emabarassment in about 6 months time)



Yes, that's us - deliriously happy :)

I've learnt a few things about the reality of marriage that would have shocked and surprised that 21 year old in the picture. No doubt the 23 year old groom has had his fair share of shocks too!

1. It's only as fun as you make it.

Bear with me, each point might sound ridiculously cliched, but they're only cliches because they're true! I could have the most boring, draining, restrictive and repetitive marriage ever, if I wanted to. And without conscious effort, I have a sneaking suspicion that that's exactly what I will experience. Now, in saying that, it doesn't mean that everyday has to include expensive dinners or over-the-top displays of 'romance', new and improved 'surprises' or getaways, but it does mean making an effort to recast the mundane in a different light. Seeing a bike ride to the local shops as an excuse to race each other, winner takes all ('all' being whatever the winner wants), or blasting the music in the car nice and loud and singing along (getting the lyrics wrong and guitar solo included). If that isn't your idea of fun......then you're boring. No, just joking!! :) But do whatever it takes to make being with your husband/wife the funnest part of your day.

2. Prescribed notions of 'roles' don't always work.

We've all been exposed ad nauseam to the same tired, over-used ideas of men and women's roles in a marriage or family. To be honest, I am sick of it. Sick and tired of the restrictions and limits placed on both men and women, when I've chosen to live in freedom, a freedom given to me by Someone else. (More of that in another post)
Now, I know that roles and functions for men and women can be different, and for good reason, and these work because they point to our inherent "different-ness", but the problem arises when we or society dictate that any slight deviation from these roles is worthy of condemnation and the one failing to live up them is a poor excuse for a husband/wife. This can be manifested in the smallest ways and words; the joke made, the comment on the lack of Tupperware and baking utensils. Can you tell I'm not much of a cook? I wish I was, only to enjoy the fruits of my labors, but alas, I get stressed out in the kitchen and my husband is rather gifted at making food taste great! So, he is the cook and I will happily stick to doing the washing and reading lots of books. These roles work for us. I can only imagine the havoc I could wreak by insisting that I cook and he wash, a task he finds more odious than anything else....it would pointless and cause unnecessary drama!

3. Take forgiveness at face value.

I hate to generalise, but like cliches - they have that kernel of truth that makes them irresistible. I have found, with 2 sisters and numerous girlfriends, that taking forgiveness at face value is a challenge for some women. Not all, but enough to warrant that generalisation :) And yet with my husband, he will gladly offer it, outstretch the olive branch and happily move on once it is accepted. It has taken me almost 3 years to realise that he is not hiding a machine gun under the olive branch and that yes, he really, truly, does forgive me and wants to be done with the whole episode/argument. Astonishing! Such a relief and such a lesson to be learnt, for someone like me. Knowing that it's condition-free and offered with no strings attached doesn't always make it easy to accept, but my thick skull sometimes does remember in the nick of time. Forgiveness spurned is a hard thing to call back, so I say....embrace it!

4. Money problems will always exist - learn the different ways you 'see' money and make peace with it. Oh, and a budget.



5. No-one finds wife-insulting, husband-mocking jokes funny.

It's so tempting as a newlywed, and a middleywed to jump head first into the diving pool of marriage jokes. More specifically, the 'husband is an idiot' and 'wife is a controlling b***h' jokes.
I want to use this platform, out in cyberspace, to categorically and vehemently declare my red-hot hatred for any and all references to wives/husbands as...ball and chain, old lady, old man and anything that describes it as a "jail cell". I am all for a good joke and poking fun at the idiosyncracies of marriage and the funny things that happen in and around them. But it is so lame to keep painting marriage as this joy-killing, soul-destroying force. Really, people, why get married then?! I always think that if I can't talk about my husband in a respectful way, then why should anyone else?

6. Nothing like a partner who will fill up your car with petrol, unasked. Bliss!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

25 years ago...


......you'd never guess that my parents were trapped in Communist Romania. Until my dad decided he'd had enough and escaped from behind the Iron Curtain. Here they are, months before being married. Notice the picturesque haystack in the background....a legacy of Ceausescu's refusal to modernise and develop a nation that continued under food rationing well into the 1980's.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Who told you?

“Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet? Who taught you to hate your own kind? …Who taught you to hate being what God made you?” - Malcolm X

I find myself asking these questions very often. Either internally musing upon their truth, or straight out discussing them with any of my close friends. Wondering who told us, who taught us, about beauty, about what is worthy of love and admiration. 'Us' meaning women, only because I feel that we have been sold more of a lie than men. Sadly, the answer often seems to be 'The Media', that all-pervasive, ubiquitous and yet undefinable entity that shapes our lives more than we care to admit. But 'The Media' has a beginning, and yet these questions seem to be eternal, timeless, and older than MTV.

Mr X sure had a point, don't you think? Moreover, he was wise in not just simply decrying our self-loathing as futile and destructive, but going further, pushing past that and questioning; WHO taught us? Not 'Where did it come from?' Not so much 'What caused it?' but rather what self-governing and sentient being instilled and planted those poisonous seeds in our souls?

Who told you that you are not enough? Who told you that you are unworthy of love? Who said that you do not deserve peace?

For whoever did, was a liar. And has been since time immemorial.

And the beautiful, the tragic part of it all is remembering that just like every action has an opposite and equal reaction, so too does that sentient, wilful being have an Opposer, a Foe, a Warrior-King, a Suffering Servant who doesn't answer the questions but destroys their source.

If we had to be told, to be taught the intricacies of self-loathing, it makes you wonder....is there a Truth that lies beneath the slick veneer of lies? Is there a Truth that says we can have peace, we are enough, we are exquisite creations?

I think so. No. I know so.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Most depressing blog award..

..goes to me! Haha. Looking back over my posts, it seems that they are super-depressing and woe-is-me and I really want to change that. And I think I'm unpleasantly surprised at how morose my inner life seems to be, at how sombre and serious it is all the time. You probably wouldn't guess it from my demeanour or my actions and behaviour; I love to laugh and I am surrounded by people who make me laugh, all. the. time. And yet behind the laughter, I seem to be churning on the inside and honestly, my brain never stops. My mind is constantly analysing and re-working and remembering and hypothesising and predicting and regretting and I wonder, is it just me?

I'm waiting for the moment, or the time when things are going so well that I don't feel the need to do all that tiresome internalising, but I have a sneaking suspicion that 'that time' will never come. I mean, how can it? I know myself well enough to know that I will inevitably find some unseen or unknown aspect of my life that I can ponder on and use as a basis for worst-case scenarios.

How do I get out of my own head? More than anything though, how do I not freak out about the very real prospects of a loved one ruining their life, and my powerlessness in the face of it? Ultimately, I know freedom comes from surrender. Surrendering any sense of control that I might get from my worrying and over-analysing will release me to truly live, live in the very real now moments of time.